INDELIBLE SCARS' LEFT ON THE BETRAYED HEARTS
If you peep into the hearts of many ladies, you will see scars left by those whom they thought woul
d walk them down the aisle; why?-the decision was misguided, Rose Mushi sheds more light
Arguably, youths of the modern world have found themselves locked up in a cell whose key is in the custody of hormones, to be precise and without the fear of being a victim of terminological in exactitude; we are helpless in the firm grip of progesterone and testosterone hormones for female and male youths respectively. Sometimes I tend to believe that even the biblical serpent who connived with Eve to cajole Adam to taste the forbidden fruit was just but a reincarnation of these hormones. It is against this background that when it comes to relationships, to distinguish real love, infatuation or lust proves elusive.
Manifestly, “love at first sight” is a commonplace scenario thanks to quixotic life styles embraced by the informally referred to as “mabraza men and ma sister dus” especially in the metropolitan cities where youths’ minds are bombarded with foreign ideas which disorient their logical thinking. We have witnessed ladies who have been emotionally wounded simply because their decision into a relationship was influenced by superficial analysis of facts.
In this hallowed space, I would like to offer a brief explanation on the differences between the above always thought to be the same kind of feelings. Many people confuse infatuation with real love. Others think that “love at first sight” is the ideal thing. Still others do not know the difference between love and lust or between love and sexual or physical attraction….What is an infatuation and how does it affect you? What is the difference between lust and love? What is sexual attraction? What is real love? Let us consider these important questions
WHAT IS AN INFATUATION?
An infatuation is a situation of being completely carried away by an attraction to someone. The dictionary defines it as “being blindly in love” to put it succinctly, to be “made foolish by love.” The one involved in romantic infatuation usually cannot think of anything or anyone else other than the person he or she is in love with. An infatuation is an exciting experience that tend to hijack someone’s emotions to the point of disorienting his or her logical thinking, in a nutshell, emotions and logical reasoning in most cases seldom coexist.
Lifting up the lid off most ladies’ hearts would reveal bleeding wounds inflicted by unscrupulous ‘frogs’ who packaged themselves in shiny yet deceitful personality. The innocent naive yet hormonal ravaged girls become helpless before these cunning men, consequently, only to realise in the ‘evening’ that the purported courtship could not lead to the most fancied yet sacred institution ;marriage because the idolized fiancé was just ‘a tourist’
One of the signs of an infatuation is that you tend to idolize the person you think you are in love with. Everything they say or do seem to be perfect to you. You don’t see any flaws. Other people around you can see plenty of danger signals in your future with that person, but you can’t see them because you are blindly in love. Your romantic feelings have taken you over and you are not using any good sense. When you are involved in a romantic infatuation, you tend to be disorganized. You are not yourself. You are irresponsible and you tend to neglect your duties
WHAT IS SEXUAL ATTRACTION?
Sexual attraction is a physical attraction between a guy and a girl. We have an inbuilt sexual drives which cause us to be interested in the opposite sex. There is nothing wrong or sinful about this. God made us that way. Sin comes when we attempt to satisfy our sexual drive in a wrong way.
To be sexually attracted to someone does not mean that you are in love with that person. A young man sees a girl with a beautiful figure and says “Wow!” A girl sees a handsome football player and her heart skips a beat or two. Is that love? NO, it’s simply a physical attraction between a boy and a girl. To be sexually attracted to someone does not mean that you are in love with that person. Real love is more than that, it involves the total person, that is, his or her character, beliefs, behaviours and everything and not just his or her body.
There is a vital place in marriage for sexual attraction, but a marriage cannot be built on sexual attraction alone. There are couples by the thousands who could not or did not resist sexual involvement before they were married, but now they cannot stand to touch each other… Give it a thought
WHAT IS LUST?
Lust is an intense desire to satisfy one’s sexual appetite. Lust often goes under the name of ‘love’ but love and lust are entirely two different things. Lust is selfish- the emphasis is on GETTING something and not GIVING something. Lust demands immediate satisfaction. Lust says “I want it for my own pleasure, I want it regardless of the consequences, I want it now.”
WHAT IS REAL LOVE?
Love can either be Agape, Eros; Philleo or Storge. But what I am talking about here is the type of love that leads two serious people into a marriage. Real love has many qualities. Love does contain the magical element of physical attraction but that’s not all of it. It is a lot more than this. Love has its roots in friendship. In true love you love the total person. You enjoy being with that person and sharing things with that person. Real love is unselfish; it will sacrifice for the one it beholds. It looks for opportunities to GIVE and not to GET. It carries with it the vital qualities of commitment, it hangs there and it doesn’t give up when problems come along.
Real love not only seeks to bring the best out of its subject, it also brings out the best in you. You want the one you are in love with to be proud of you. If you are just infatuated with someone, you may ‘laze’ around and daydream, but if your love is real, you apply yourself to your work, you make plans, and you prepare for the future. Real love is not just a wonderful feeling th
at strikes you suddenly, it takes time to grow and develop.
Real love involves respect for yourselves. It also involves trust and understanding. Being friends is the key to along lasting relationship. Real love however goes beyond friendship. It is the mysterious, magical chemistry of physical attraction that promotes friendship into love. You can have a good friend of the opposite sex whom you like and you enjoy being with, but there is no physical attraction. But along comes someone who triggers the right chemistry and it’s different.
I believe to this point you are now fully aware of the differences between real love, lust, sexual or physical attraction and infatuation. I suggest that before we make any decision of having any one in our lives as a life partner we really have to check critically with our hearts and search out what is really our feelings so as to avoid heart breaks and disappointments. For more about this check it in my book ‘Why Should you wait’.
May God be with you in your search for a true partner.
Thought of the day
d walk them down the aisle; why?-the decision was misguided, Rose Mushi sheds more light Arguably, youths of the modern world have found themselves locked up in a cell whose key is in the custody of hormones, to be precise and without the fear of being a victim of terminological in exactitude; we are helpless in the firm grip of progesterone and testosterone hormones for female and male youths respectively. Sometimes I tend to believe that even the biblical serpent who connived with Eve to cajole Adam to taste the forbidden fruit was just but a reincarnation of these hormones. It is against this background that when it comes to relationships, to distinguish real love, infatuation or lust proves elusive.
Manifestly, “love at first sight” is a commonplace scenario thanks to quixotic life styles embraced by the informally referred to as “mabraza men and ma sister dus” especially in the metropolitan cities where youths’ minds are bombarded with foreign ideas which disorient their logical thinking. We have witnessed ladies who have been emotionally wounded simply because their decision into a relationship was influenced by superficial analysis of facts.
In this hallowed space, I would like to offer a brief explanation on the differences between the above always thought to be the same kind of feelings. Many people confuse infatuation with real love. Others think that “love at first sight” is the ideal thing. Still others do not know the difference between love and lust or between love and sexual or physical attraction….What is an infatuation and how does it affect you? What is the difference between lust and love? What is sexual attraction? What is real love? Let us consider these important questions
WHAT IS AN INFATUATION?
An infatuation is a situation of being completely carried away by an attraction to someone. The dictionary defines it as “being blindly in love” to put it succinctly, to be “made foolish by love.” The one involved in romantic infatuation usually cannot think of anything or anyone else other than the person he or she is in love with. An infatuation is an exciting experience that tend to hijack someone’s emotions to the point of disorienting his or her logical thinking, in a nutshell, emotions and logical reasoning in most cases seldom coexist.
Lifting up the lid off most ladies’ hearts would reveal bleeding wounds inflicted by unscrupulous ‘frogs’ who packaged themselves in shiny yet deceitful personality. The innocent naive yet hormonal ravaged girls become helpless before these cunning men, consequently, only to realise in the ‘evening’ that the purported courtship could not lead to the most fancied yet sacred institution ;marriage because the idolized fiancé was just ‘a tourist’
One of the signs of an infatuation is that you tend to idolize the person you think you are in love with. Everything they say or do seem to be perfect to you. You don’t see any flaws. Other people around you can see plenty of danger signals in your future with that person, but you can’t see them because you are blindly in love. Your romantic feelings have taken you over and you are not using any good sense. When you are involved in a romantic infatuation, you tend to be disorganized. You are not yourself. You are irresponsible and you tend to neglect your duties
WHAT IS SEXUAL ATTRACTION?
Sexual attraction is a physical attraction between a guy and a girl. We have an inbuilt sexual drives which cause us to be interested in the opposite sex. There is nothing wrong or sinful about this. God made us that way. Sin comes when we attempt to satisfy our sexual drive in a wrong way.
To be sexually attracted to someone does not mean that you are in love with that person. A young man sees a girl with a beautiful figure and says “Wow!” A girl sees a handsome football player and her heart skips a beat or two. Is that love? NO, it’s simply a physical attraction between a boy and a girl. To be sexually attracted to someone does not mean that you are in love with that person. Real love is more than that, it involves the total person, that is, his or her character, beliefs, behaviours and everything and not just his or her body.
There is a vital place in marriage for sexual attraction, but a marriage cannot be built on sexual attraction alone. There are couples by the thousands who could not or did not resist sexual involvement before they were married, but now they cannot stand to touch each other… Give it a thought
WHAT IS LUST?
Lust is an intense desire to satisfy one’s sexual appetite. Lust often goes under the name of ‘love’ but love and lust are entirely two different things. Lust is selfish- the emphasis is on GETTING something and not GIVING something. Lust demands immediate satisfaction. Lust says “I want it for my own pleasure, I want it regardless of the consequences, I want it now.”
WHAT IS REAL LOVE?
Love can either be Agape, Eros; Philleo or Storge. But what I am talking about here is the type of love that leads two serious people into a marriage. Real love has many qualities. Love does contain the magical element of physical attraction but that’s not all of it. It is a lot more than this. Love has its roots in friendship. In true love you love the total person. You enjoy being with that person and sharing things with that person. Real love is unselfish; it will sacrifice for the one it beholds. It looks for opportunities to GIVE and not to GET. It carries with it the vital qualities of commitment, it hangs there and it doesn’t give up when problems come along.
Real love not only seeks to bring the best out of its subject, it also brings out the best in you. You want the one you are in love with to be proud of you. If you are just infatuated with someone, you may ‘laze’ around and daydream, but if your love is real, you apply yourself to your work, you make plans, and you prepare for the future. Real love is not just a wonderful feeling th
at strikes you suddenly, it takes time to grow and develop.Real love involves respect for yourselves. It also involves trust and understanding. Being friends is the key to along lasting relationship. Real love however goes beyond friendship. It is the mysterious, magical chemistry of physical attraction that promotes friendship into love. You can have a good friend of the opposite sex whom you like and you enjoy being with, but there is no physical attraction. But along comes someone who triggers the right chemistry and it’s different.
I believe to this point you are now fully aware of the differences between real love, lust, sexual or physical attraction and infatuation. I suggest that before we make any decision of having any one in our lives as a life partner we really have to check critically with our hearts and search out what is really our feelings so as to avoid heart breaks and disappointments. For more about this check it in my book ‘Why Should you wait’.
May God be with you in your search for a true partner.
Thought of the day
